In 20 days I will wrap my arms around a sweet little boy and a sweet little girl in Haiti that my heart has an unfathomable void in it right now b/c of them not being home with me.

Oh how my soul aches to have our kids home with us.

I can’t even begin to tell you the pain that this process puts me through.  Weekly and if not daily I’m crying over these kids and this process.  Adoption is hard.  It is putting my faith and trust in God through a process that is really stretching me.  I’m not always proud to admit that many times when I go back and forth with God in my head I don’t give it all to him.  I hold on to it so I can cling to it.  So I can “control” it.  So I can be mad and hurt with it.   I’m not allowing God to win all the time.  I’m not believing and trusting as much as I should.

I heard someone tonight ask us if our kids would ever come home.  Aaron said “well we are trusting God that they will and at this point, that is all we have”.  I thought – wow he gets this!  I don’t.  I suck!

Ha Ha, but really if I am really honest that is all I have.  NO one has promised me that these kids will come home.  NO one can tell me when they will.  NO one can reassure me it will all work out.  ALL I HAVE IS MY TRUST AND FAITH IN GOD.  (I put that in bold for me and not for you!)

20 days.

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