In just a few days we’ll hit the four month mark for Story being home and that will be one month for Amos. I sometimes can’t believe it’s only been four months since Story joined us and the fact that we have not yet hit one month for Amos blows my mind. It seems like so much longer to me.

Amos asks me every day why I love him. I’ll tell him I love him and he looks at me and says why do you love me? I hate this question. I have never had to explain this Cayden, Deacon or even Story. They have never questioned my love. Amos does daily. Not only in his heart, but he vocalizes it too.

Yesterday the kids opened up their Valentine cards from both sets of Grandparents and as usual they loved getting mail and something that was just for them. A little later in the day Amos was asking me if this particular card was his and who it was from. I told him grandma and grandpa and he said “this mean they love me?”. My heart once again broke. He is constantly searching for someone that is going to love him consistently and never let him down. I honestly don’t think he feels that way about us yet. He’s been here 3.5 weeks and I believe he’s still wondering when this fun trip is going to end.

My heart breaks that this is even an issue. It breaks when I look at pictures from when we first found out about him and to think that it took us this long to get him home. Not fair for the child.

Amos and Story play fairly well together. It seems as though we’re still playing 2 and 2. If you were to come over to my house at a random time of the day you would find Cayden and Deacon playing together and Story playing and Amos sometimes playing with her but mostly walking around aimlessly not knowing what to do. The only times he truly engages with the boys is when I pull Cayden and Deacon aside and remind them to play with their brother. To no fault of their own, they have only had each other for four years, and Amos doesn’t ever act like he wants to play with them. I can probably count on ONE hand how many times they have all truly played together and enjoyed each others company.

Yesterday we drove to visit our friends the Livesay’s. We haven’t seen them since the earthquake and man was it good to sit and hang out. Our whole families in one house in the US – crazy! During lunch Amos looked at me and asked me if I was leaving. I wondered yet again if he thought this was the end of his ride. Many times before we have been w/ this family in Haiti only to have Aaron and I leave him, and sometimes leave him with them for a while before he went back home. Oh his poor heart. I’m praying for God to bond our hearts together in a mighty way.

Last week after the hard day that I wrote about I immediately ordered a book from Amazon that day. I felt as though I needed it right then. The book arrived today and I’m anxious to sit down, soak it up, and share with Aaron. I ordered PARENTING THE HURT CHILD by Keck & Kupecky – anyone read it? Thoughts?

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