OH MY WORD have my emotions been all over the place this past weekend. I have been very guarded in this whole process in my thoughts about this earthquake allowing Amos to come home. For one reason it’s hard for me to think about something so awful paving the way for my son to come home sooner. And number two I have been so hurt in this whole adoption process that I didn’t want to let my heart hurt that way again.
Last Spring were some of the hardest days of my life with this process. My heart was hurt. Broken. I made it through it and I truly believe I am stronger now b/c of those trials, but that doesn’t mean I want to put my heart out there again like that. I’m learning that the more we put our heart out the stronger we become. Also the more my heart hurts the more I have to rely on God to be my strength. Hard lessons for a momma longing for her son to come.
Yeterday we received some very good news about our adoption and we also received lots of emails that were confusing and not sure what they meant. We are busting our tails trying to get Amos home. We are hopeful and yet fearful all at the same time. Yesterday I had a very high high and a very low low. It was hard. I think Aaron thought I was having a break down. It was as if everything I had been holding in for the whole week was overflowing and I couldn’t stop the emotions from coming. I was broken for my son, for his country, for my friends there that are tirelessly working to help people. I was just broken. After a big cry and a big talk from Aaron and a big sleep I feel much better today.
As I was up this morning at 5 checking my email (I’ve been getting up in the middle of the night this week just to see if anything happened) I looked over and saw my verse that I printed out at the beginning of this month to memorize. Two girlfriends of mine have challenged me to work on this and for that I’m grateful. I had it printed but during the last week haven’t read it once. I have been to preoccupied to read the verse I’m supposed to be memorizing. Too busy to work on this. Too busy to see how God wants to speak to me through his word.
Here it is:
Do not be anxious in anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God that passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about these things. Philippians 4: 6-8
Oh my word is that relevant to me today. I’m praying this prayer today for our family. Will you join me in praying this for ALL adoptive parents who are desperately wanting to get their kids out of Haiti and home where they belong.