Parenting children that enter your home through adoption at an older age is a little different. I feel like I answer the same questions all day long from Amos. Where we going next? What we eating now? Every night when I tuck him into bed he asks the same question. “What we eating for breakfast?”. Every single night. Not a night goes by that he doesn’t ask me that.
I am starting to realize that he really desires control. I mean I knew that in other ways that he demonstrates that need, but I’m starting to really see it more in regular every day activities. He needs control. He has never ever had control and he desires that so much.
I think I’m going to start letting him pick out his breakfast before we go to bed. Yes this is an inconvenience for me, but really it’s not that big of a deal. It’s just not how I’m used to doing things. I’m more of a last minute type of person with breakfast around here, but I’m going to try this and see if it helps him at night. Maybe this will give him confidence to sleep well b/c he already knows what he’ll be eating.
I’m seeing this need to know what’s happening this week as well. We had family in town this weekend and that was great but it kinds throws him off. He doesn’t understand why people have to leave. He cried himself to sleep for Nana and Pops b/c they had left. He didn’t understand why they had to leave. We have a lot going on in the next few weeks and I’m afraid this might be hard for him. Lots of traveling. Lots of new stuff. Lots of holiday stuff.
I’m going to make him a calendar this week that says when everything is happening. I usually don’t tell him anything until it is about to happen. This saves him stress, and me my sanity from answering the same questions over and over and over again! I’m going to put on each day a picture of what is happening so he can keep up with things! We’ll see how this works for him.
Parenting Amos makes me do things differently. Sometimes I struggle with doing things differently. Sometimes I want him to do things my way. The way we’ve always done them. The way the other kids do them. I have started praying for myself to relax and do things his way. To adjust to him. Some days I do it very well, and deserve lots of pats on the back. Other days I lay my head down at night and count my regrets.
We’re all still learning around here. He’s learning to trust. We’re learning to parent differently. We’re in this together though!