Today I was cleaning out one of my filing cabinets and I came across a stack of papers from our first adoption five years ago.  Of course it sidetracked my cleaning and I sat in my office and read through all the papers.  Most of the information I was aware of from our years of being in the adoption world, but some of it was very new and real to me now as we parent Amos.

One thing I did come across was interesting to me and I’d love to get your feedback on it.  It is a list of positive adoption language.  I admit when we first began this adoption journey I was psycho about adoption language.  I would get so mad if someone called Deacon’s first mom “mom” instead of “birth mom” or “first mom”.  Now I could care less.  He knows I’m his mom and he also knows that she is his mom too.  She birthed him and carried him, I’ll gladly share the name with her.  We talk about her all the  time and have pictures of her in house.  It doesn’t get to me like it used to.  I wrote about that journey a long time ago HERE and HERE.  There is one thing that still bothers me and that’s when people refer to Cayden as our own child and the others as the adopted ones.  That urks me.  They are all real and they are all mine.  🙂  I don’t get angry with the person, but the conversation usually goes like this after they find out we have adopted:

Stranger:  Do you have any children of your own?

Me:  yes they are all my own.  One through birth and 3 through adoption.

That does it.  They get the point.  I’m not rude, but I’m just clarifying the reality of what they asked.  🙂

Anyhow here is the list on the paper I found of POSITIVE ADOPTION LANGUAGE.   I will list what they listed as the negative adoption language first and beside it the positive adoption language.

Negative Adoption Language — Positive Adoption Language

Real Parent — Birthparent

Natural Parent — Biological Parent

Own Child — Birth Child

Adopted Child; Own child — My child

Illegitimate — Born to unmarried parents

Give up — Terminate parental rights

Give away — Make an adoption plan

Adoptable child; available child — Waiting child

Begettor — Biological father

Reunion — making contact with parent

Foreign adoption — International adoption

adoption triangle — adoption triad

Disclosure — Permission to sign a release

Track down parents — Search

An unwanted child — Child placed for adoption

Child taken away — court termination

Handicapped child — Child with special needs

Foreign child — Child from abroad

Is adopted — was adopted

There you go.  What do you think about these?  Any of them stupid to you?  Any of them valid to you?  There are some that I agree with and some I think are kinda foolish, but I’m not adoption counselor either.  🙂

If you are an adoptive parent or child that was adopted I’d love to hear  your least favorite question you get asked!  This should be fun!

deacon easter basket

*Photo by Jason Kovacs

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