There are many things that Amos does that I have no clue how to handle. We read books, we ask advice, we pray and then we do what feels right. So many days I just pray and beg God to not let me screw this kid up. That would probably be one of my biggest fears these days. Fearing that I will parent this special boy in the wrong way and he’ll be messed up forever. I know that sounds silly, but to me it is real.
Amos has come a long way in many of his weird behaviors, but there is one that I still don’t understand and am not sure how to handle it. I just don’t know how to react to it and fear that if I react the wrong way it will either continue or never be addressed or be hidden only resurface later in life.
Amos loves anything that is his. He got so excited the other day when he got medicine just for him. For no one else, but only Amos. He loves any article of clothing that is just his. He loves his backpack because it is his. He has this note that Caroline sent to him after he first got home that he still carries around in his backpack and gets out every once in a while just to proudly proclaim that she gave it to HIM. He also has a handful of pictures that he cherishes and also usually keeps in his backpack with that letter. I make sure the kids know that these are his special things and not to mess with them.
When Amos gets upset or gets in trouble he resorts to telling me that he is going to break something. In my head it is so silly and even kinda stupid but to him I think he is showing me that he doesn’t care what I say and even though I think I’m in control he will regain that control by destroying something. Then he’s in control. That is my very un-educated opinion. At first I would get upset and take whatever it was away from him that he was about to destroy so that it wouldn’t get destroyed. Then I started not taking it away and letting him break it and then showing him that I now had to throw it in the trash and he would never have it again. He would act like he didn’t care and then a few days later ask for that item and be upset that it was in the trash.
Now it doesn’t happen nearly as often and I usually just talk to him and he decides he doesn’t want to. For instance, he has a pair of sunglasses that he loves. He loves to wear them and usually has them with him at all times. I told him to do something the other day and he didn’t want to, so I told him sterner and he took his glasses off to show me that he was going to break them. I then reminded him that if he broke them he wouldn’t have them anymore and that we don’t break our toys. I told him that if he broke them I wouldn’t buy him anymore and the sun would hurt his eyes. He thought for a minute and then decided not to break them but just to throw them down. 🙂 Still trying to one up me!
The other day he got mad about something and tore up one of his favorite pictures. He always makes sure I’m watching and usually acts like he’s going to do it before he really does. He needs to make sure I’m watching and I really think he wants to hear me beg him not to. It’s kinda weird. When he tore up his picture he began by biting off a piece. I told him we don’t put stuff in our mouths (b/c he is always putting stuff in his mouth) and that he loves that picture and he doesn’t want to hurt it. He of course acted like he could care less about the picture. He watched me for a minute as I carried on about my business and then he proceeded to tear it up. I acted like I didn’t care he tore it up, but was sad that he won’t have the picture of when Papa came to visit him anymore.
He didn’t seem to care, but a few days later I found him looking at the pieces. I didn’t say anything but I was yelling on the inside I TOLD YOU SO.
Anyhow, what do you guys that deal with this do when your kids try to destroy things. He is SO MUCH better and in fact the last time he destroyed something was about 4 weeks ago and again it was something that he really liked and had been given to him as a gift. He tore his necklace and so I threw it away as if it was no big deal and went on with what I was doing, but he was bummed when everyone had their special necklaces on from Nana except for him.
So, send me your thoughts!