Four years ago today our lives changed forever. It was on this day that our family was complete. We were whole and the grueling two and a half year journey to our son was over. Amos was home. I felt like I could breathe easier and I could rest better at night. The world seemed to spin better on this day. My momma’s heart felt fuller and happier than it ever had in my life as a momma. My soul was full. I felt complete as a mom on this day.
Our journey to Amos was hard and I hated it. I also learned so much from it. I had so many days where I struggled in the wait and I did not trust God with it. I had days where I did as well. To have a child that you love as your own flesh and blood in another country while he endures hardship after hardship is one of the worst things I have ever weathered through. Unbearable on some days. Suffocating at times. Leaving him on our visits became some of my darkest hours on this earth so far. I felt as a failure of a mom for not being able to take care of one of my kids.
A few days ago we were at an event where Aaron performed his song “Amos Story” which many of you know and love. I have heard countless people tell me how it ministered to them during their wait, or pushed them closer towards adoption. I am so grateful for all of your stories and love to hear them. Over the past 2 years that song hasn’t moved me. I haven’t cried when hearing it as I used to, but the other night tears streamed down my face as I heard Aaron sing “I’ll find a way to get you here …. “. I was remembering the pain.
Today there is no pain, there is gladness and rejoicing. I’ll pick up my kids from school and we’ll head straight to the bakery where Amos will pick out his favorite cupcake and we will celebrate tonight that God was faithful to Amos and gave him a mommy and daddy when he didn’t have one. God was faithful to us to sustain us in our wait and make our family complete. God loves Amos more than I ever could and I have no doubt that he has HUGE plans for this kid. I can’t wait to see it all unfold.
January 23, 2010 – one of the best days of my life.