Okay so i haven’t been blogging like i wanted to …. but have no fear aaron is a blogging machine. his thoughts are great and i want to send you all there to hear about the trip.
We’re a bit sad tonight b/c in the morning we meet Eve and Frank at the bridge in Cabaret to hand the kids over. I don’t want to think about it or imagine saying good bye, but we must and we will.
I think i’ll have more thoughts on this week when i get home. One thing i do know is that this trip has been one of the hardest of my life. i feel disconnected from aaron. i feel as though we haven’t been alone at all this whole trip. i feel like we haven’t had discussions about haiti much. i feel as though i haven’t connected with everyone on the team b/c i’ve been consumed with my kids. it has been much harder than i ever imagined to be here on a “mission” trip and be parents to two children we don’t know very well. I feel as though i haven’t don’t much with the team. i haven’t loved on enough haitian kids. i have been a mom for the most part. I have loved it, but it has been hard. i won’t lie. great but hard. hope that makes sense and doesn’t make me sound like a bad person.
i don’t even want to think about dropping the kids off tomorrow. makes my stomach hurt. today at the feeding center which i talk about more when i get home i teared up just thinking of my kids being there. if we weren’t adopting them, maybe they would. that will mess with your brain.
amos has come up to me many times and called me “mama” without me prompting. that makes me love him so much. it makes my heart swell with pride for my new son.
okay my thoughts are random. i need to get home to process. i can’t seem to process them now. i know one thing … i love my two kids. I love haiti. i love the livesay’s. i love love love love love my kids. pray they’ll remember me next time.
off to LOST party!!!!