Tomorrow morning my son is having surgery. This will be the first surgery any of my kids have gone through. I’d be lieing if I told you that I’m okay. The truth is I’m nervous. I’m a little scared. I had a bad dream last night. I’m wishing that I could wake up and this not be true. I’m wishing I was having surgery and not him. BUT, I have to admit that I’m also really trying very hard to praise God in this time. Truly I am.
These last two years have been hard. This past year the hardest. I have fought with God. We have wrestled. At the same time I have grown to trust him more than I did 3 years ago. I am learning that God’s plans are best, and that he is in charge. I’m learning that good can come out of my trials. I have seen people’s lives changed through our struggles.
I sang a song recently that said “we give you all the glory” and I sang that song with tears streaming down my face this morning. Truly at the end of the day no matter what happens, I desire to give HIM all the glory. I want glory to be given to my GOD for all that he is doing and will do through Deacon’s disease. God is way bigger than any RRP. He is way bigger than any vocal problems, disease, cancer or “bumps” on his throat.
So, even though I might be falling apart on the inside and smiling on the outside I truly am longing to trust. I’m much better at it today than I was yesterday and I hope to continue in that pattern. Deacon is a special little boy. He amazes me. I’m honored beyond measure to be his momma.
He is a joy to parent.
I’m praying this tonight as I fall asleep: Psalm 4:8 “I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD make me dwell in safety.”
I will pray this when I wake up: Psalm 5:3 “In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.”
Tomorrow the surgery is scheduled to begin at 8:45. If you feel led, would you pray for Deacon, his nurses, Dr. Nowlin and the anesthesiologist. Much love to you!