31 BIG final Dear Jamie in 1994,

I want to tell you that what happened this summer doesn’t define you.  You actually never thought you would do this, and honestly you aren’t sure how you got here, but none-the-less it happened and you can’t undo it.  You have heard every sermon in youth group about sex before marriage and honestly you never planned on this happening.  For some reason everything you vowed to uphold was gone with this guy.  He shows you lots of attention and claims he loves you a lot, and I guess that undid it all for you.

The scary thing is that when it happened you really didn’t even want to do it.  It’s not like he made you, but it for sure wasn’t a happy day for you.  For some reason you bought into the lie that this sealed the deal and now his love for you was real.  It’s as if you were yearning to be loved so deeply that you stooped so low to earn that love from him.

Now that you have it, you feel secure and safe with him.  As if this will last forever.

Unfortunately it won’t.  In fact he’ll break your heart so deeply, that you will feel as though life can’t go on.  You gave him something so special, and now you feel as though your world is crumbling around you.  In a way it is.

Here’s what I want you to know.  You don’t have to be this person.  You don’t have to keep going this way with every guy you date.  You don’t owe anyone anything.  You don’t have to give anyone anything to get their love.  That’s not how it works.

You are going to develop a pattern for love, and it’s going to hurt you so many times.  Your heart and body will suffer, and all you wanted was to feel loved.

I want to tell you that sex doesn’t equal love.  These boys don’t love you more or less based on what you will or won’t do with them.  If they do, it’s not real.  Find a guy that loves you for who you are and not what you give him.  They might be hard to find, but they are worth it.  They will hold your heart and show you true love, not love that is fading and short lived.

I also want to tell you something else.  You are deeply loved and cared for.  Jesus is way bigger than any mistake that you could ever make and you are not used goods.  People will tell you that you are.  Youth workers will tell you that you are like a rose that’s lost all it’s petals.  Who would want that?  Let me tell you something, you will find a man that will cherish you and love you for who you are.  Your past doesn’t define you.  Do not let it.

Love,

Jamie in 2013