A friend of mine is fostering a new little girl right now and she was talking this morning about how the sweet little girl is not interested in her husband and actually kinda afraid of him. I empathized with her and told her that both of my little girls were scared of Aaron and didn’t like him at first. As soon as I said it I realized what I had done. I had said both of my girls. I only have one girl, but in my heart I still consider Fedna a little girl of mine.
We hosted Fedna for 9 weeks early in 2009 as she was here for spinal surgery. In those 9 weeks I fell in love with a little girl that I knew wasn’t mine and never would be, but I still grew to love her with all that I had. I was cautious at first and loved her as I would a good friends kid that was sleeping over, but throughout her time here my love grew to be the love of a parent towards their child. I tried hard to protect those feelings so that in the end I could protect my heart from hurting, but I couldn’t. Love has a way of shining through.
When we took Feda back to her parents it was one of the hardest experiences of my life. I knew that was the plan all along, and goodness gracious of course I wanted her to be with her parents, but I loved her so deeply that it was hard to say goodbye. I had signed up to love this girl for as many weeks as it took to get her well, and then bring her back to her momma and papa. One of my greatest moments in taking her home was meeting her parents, looking them in the eyes, and telling them that we loved their precious daughter. That we loved her as our own for 9 weeks. That we talked to her about her parents at home waiting for her every day for 9 weeks. That we kept pictures of them in her room and in her crib for 9 weeks. That we gave her all of our love for 9 weeks.
Loving Fedna was one of the best things and hardest things ever in my life. She forever changed me.